I have had a mixed-bag relationship with this sister-in-law (SIL) of mine for sometime, and was definitely not impressed with some of her rather interesting carry-ons in the lead up to wedding.
Two months before the wedding, my partner and I decided to hold a conversation with my mother about the possibility of perhaps changing the date of the wedding. Her reaction was, to say the least, enlightening and interesting. I love the word "interesting", it can emote such variant meanings. Anyhow, my mother's reaction deserves another post. In fact, my relationship with my mother deserves a whole other blog. I'm sure most people would agree. Hehe... This post is about the SIL.
Anyhow, as we gently (and I mean, gently!) tried to communicate to my mother our reasons for wanting to change the date, she stood up wildly, began to cry and in between sobs told my SIL to "deal with her". Her meaning me. Mother then went to the adjoining room to compose herself. The following are, verbatim, my SIL's first words to me:
"Just don't upset her anymore. You don't understand your mother like I do. We have a special relationship... your mother and I we share the same language, the same culture..."
After which she gave me a wink while placing a finger on her pursed lips, signifying that I refrain from further reply, lest, I suppose, I aggravate the situation further!
I was so astounded by my SIL's behaviour (and absolutely gobsmacked by mother's!) that for the first time in my life, I found myself absolutely and utterly speechless. I was gobsmacked!
I have often put down mine and my SIL's communication issues to a cultural and language barrier. English isn't her first language, nor her second, which is all fine and good until she has to deal with others (namely members of her own family). Then there's this odd culturally specific reference (ie, a custom) by which she abides and expects her younger in-laws to abide by. That is, being older than me, she expects that I heed her advice, among other things, and give her unmerited respect. This last thing doesn't sit so well with my western Anglo-Protestant upbringing. In brief, we've had communication issues. This merits another post, perhaps, when I'm good and ready.
Having said all of that, my SIL is one of few people who surprised me the most during the wedding. She did a very nice thing. And being a person brought up to write thank you letters when a thank you letter is called for... when I found out what she had done, I risked getting into conflict territory and gave her a call. I actually hadn't had a phone conversation, or conversation full-stop, with her since...
What did she do?
When she found out, thanks to my mother, that a whole table - $130 per person! - was going to be empty because of an 11th hour cancellation (literally, a cancellation on the morning of the wedding), she phoned her friends and got the number to fill that table.
(All this went on without my knowledge. Thankfully, in hindsight!).
Although neither my partner nor I knew the people who had replaced our original invitees, we appreciated my SIL's very good deed. Firstly, that table would have been empty. Secondly, the reception venue would not have refunded at such late notice. We appreciated that at least the money did not go completely to waste. Thirdly, that table would have been empty! Have I already mentioned that? Well, it was really imperative for appearance's sake that no tables were empty. I suppose. In spite of our giddy states that evening, an empty table would have been blatantly obvious.
Speaking of giddy states, my partner and I never actually even noticed the absence of our missing guests (one entire family gone AWOL!) that evening. We simply assumed that each time we walked by their table, they'd gone out for a toilet break or a fag.
Hmm... what we did take note of is the presence of folks we'd never met yet appeared to be very chummy with my SIL. We simply assumed that they had gate-crashed. Because it was a special event for us, we let it go. Thankfully! Otherwise, we would have found out that one entire family who "had to be invited" had ditched us without rhyme or reason.
Cheers to the SIL who did a very nice thing!
(I'm going to have to put this up in light of her other interesting turns). ;-)
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