In my previous post, I unburdened my bemusement/stupefaction/concern (wink) at some of my SIL's antics and our communication issues. Our relationship has - thank God! - evolved into something characterised by a comfortable distance of forced (or refined) politesse.
I like the present status quo. Believe me, if you knew what it was like before, you'd agree! We only see each other at family get-togethers. It's safe to say that there's a certain kind of peace that comes from suppressing what you really feel about certain members of your clan. More useful things get done.
"Why can't people just get along?" you might ask.
My response to this is "yes we can!".
People can just get along. In our case, it's superficial, sure, but heck I don't have to sleep with the woman and she definitely ain't moving into my place anytime soon!
Family can do such surprising things. So can dentists I suppose, but you can change your dentist, not so much family. Family requires such care. You're stuck with them, and sometimes this ain't exactly for the best. It's just how the dice rolls, the card falls, etc. This SIL (I've got 5 from both sides) certainly surprised me during the wedding. Thank you!
The wedding was a big deal to me (and to my partner of course :-) for the same fundamental reasons that other people's weddings are important to them. Fundamentally, a wedding is about a celebration of finding love (quelle chance dans tout le monde!), it's about a public declaration (yes even intimate destination elopements!), and it's about the various accoutrements & paraphernalias (costumes, adornments, food, etc). And oh, of course, of course, it's about family, whether it be your new-urban family, or your old-fashioned nuclear one.
Regardless of how "unique" or "offbeat" or "alternative" you might think you are, these are the fundamentals of why a wedding is a big deal.
Having explained why a wedding is a big deal, it's easy to understand why the hosts/bridal couple might be more than a little peeved when certain invitees decide they're not going to turn up at the 11th hour!
In this case, on the morning of the wedding. In this case, all from one family. In this case, all from my extended family.
What's more, there was no life threatening excuse nor even an actual reason beyond "we're no longer able to make it". That was it. "We're no longer able to make it."
Interesting.
I wonder what their reaction would've been if I had written to them, after I had sent the invite, that "we're no longer able to invite you".
WTF? HUGELY INCOVENIENT is WTF is it!
(And) I mean inconvenient in a similar sense to when you're put on hold for 20 minutes by a call-centre help desk while you're on your cell phone. Inconvenient like in that similar sense but times by a factor of gee, I dunno, one thousand stress boiling points.
Ah, it's not worth it.
It goes without saying that, yes, we could have invited a whole table full of people in their place if they had done the most considerate thing and said "no we can't make it we don't give a f**k about you two!" Fine, that would have been perfectly fine with both myself and my partner.
We could've invited 4 sets of loved-up couples, friends who would've been more than happy to celebrate with us, to enjoy the free sit-down dinner and unlimited booze (and it was good people!), to support us on what was, and is, a very important day.
As it was, my partner (now husband), usually exceedingly patient, thought that my entire family had taken leave of their senses and were absolute philistines totally clueless about the basic rules of social intercourse.
I am to this day embarrassed by their behaviour. They didn't let us down. (Okay, they did, ;-). They really let themselves down. Really, really.
Oh, here's a thought, maybe I can bill them?
"That'll be $1,040 please! Tips included".
"Sorry? Are you sure you didn't make mistake?"
"No no, that's correct right there sir. It was $130 per person".
"Oh, really?"
Yah, really.
But, money was the last thing on our minds.
Hmm...
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